pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
