she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
