Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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