pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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