I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize