my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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