She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
