call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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