He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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