who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
