We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
