in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
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I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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