he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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