yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
