But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
