____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is the high leading the old right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
