I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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