i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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