don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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