Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

i never told you how having a club foot got me laid

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(419): View more from Ohio

then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.

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(513): View more from Ohio

It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?

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(802): View more from Vermont

Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy

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