You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
