I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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