I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
