i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
