I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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