there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
