Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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