I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
