Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
