Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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