omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
