I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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