if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
