...so i touched it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
