she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
