I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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