At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize