God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
