So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
