take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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