You're completely useless in the revolution.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize