Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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