I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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