ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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