Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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