question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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