there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..