singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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