I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
