when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
