I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
