im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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