No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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