her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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