Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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