Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
