She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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