I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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